The weekend was good, a much needed break.
Today started a very long week for me.
2 days on, wed off, and then another 6 straight.
Oh, and I got the call today for an interview at CAL. It'll be on Wednesday, so fingers crossed for me okay?
Other than that I've been doing pretty well. SweetD and I had dinner at Benihana on Thursday night, which would have been about perfect had the night not ended with an argument in regards to marriage and commitment and whatnot.
Meh.
I feel bad that I can't give her what she wants, but...I just can't. I'm trying, but it just doesn't seem like it's going to happen. She said something that night that just won't leave my head...
She said "You just want to spend time with me when you want to spend time with me."
To which I responded "Well don't you just want to spend time with me when you want to?"
"But I ALWAYS want to spend time with you!"
Exactly.
Because if we get down to the thick of it, I don't have any need to see her every day or spend all of my time with her. That's sad, and probably not cool...but it's also true.
I care about her very much. I want her to be happy. I've put this off long enough...but the longer it goes the more it seems that I really just am not the right man for her.
On a side note...I have a new anonymous reader. I kinda thought it was SweetD to be honest, but the internet provider doesn't match. Whomever it is lives pretty close by though...so hello new reader. Please feel free to say hi sometime and introduce yourself k?
Okay.
-angst ridden blogger
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
galloping to the rescue
I pissed off SweetD yesterday.
She called early in the morning, from work, because she was having horrible cramps. She really really needed me to go to her apartment and get some ibuprofen and bring it to her.
She works like 10 minutes away, and her apartment is pretty much en route...
My response?
Isn't there a drugstore or cart at the mall that has that stuff?
To which she replied something angry and huffy about how I should nevermind and then ended the call.
Here's the thing...she wants a knight in shining armor...and I'm just not him. I mean, if her car broke down in the middle of nowhere I would go pick her up and help her sort it. If her apartment caught on fire I'd make sure she had a place to stay...
But for the little things that she can take care of herself?
Yeah...apparently I just don't do that.
A few minutes later she texted to let me know that one of her coworkers had ibuprofen and she was fine.
Right.
I'm still a jackass right?
Meh.
-still in bed
She called early in the morning, from work, because she was having horrible cramps. She really really needed me to go to her apartment and get some ibuprofen and bring it to her.
She works like 10 minutes away, and her apartment is pretty much en route...
My response?
Isn't there a drugstore or cart at the mall that has that stuff?
To which she replied something angry and huffy about how I should nevermind and then ended the call.
Here's the thing...she wants a knight in shining armor...and I'm just not him. I mean, if her car broke down in the middle of nowhere I would go pick her up and help her sort it. If her apartment caught on fire I'd make sure she had a place to stay...
But for the little things that she can take care of herself?
Yeah...apparently I just don't do that.
A few minutes later she texted to let me know that one of her coworkers had ibuprofen and she was fine.
Right.
I'm still a jackass right?
Meh.
-still in bed
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
just let go
It's not that I'm ignoring the obvious connection. Or that I'm unaware of the crazy chemistry. I've forgiven you for all of the crazy bullshit that happened, I'm just unwilling to forget.
I've made the conscious decision that no amount of connection or chemistry is worth what comes with it in this case.
That might not be true if I hadn't been lucky enough to meet other equally amazing women who treated me with respect and love not because that's what you're supposed to do...but because that's just who they are.
I've experienced the connection and chemistry in other places and know that I don't have to put up with crazy in order to have that kind of awesome.
So umm...yeah.
-sticking it to ya
I've made the conscious decision that no amount of connection or chemistry is worth what comes with it in this case.
That might not be true if I hadn't been lucky enough to meet other equally amazing women who treated me with respect and love not because that's what you're supposed to do...but because that's just who they are.
I've experienced the connection and chemistry in other places and know that I don't have to put up with crazy in order to have that kind of awesome.
So umm...yeah.
-sticking it to ya
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
expectations
I wrote a long post back on the 20th where I threw out some ideas on long term relationships and the choices that we make in life.
Uncruel left a beautiful comment and I've been mulling over the entire topic for a week or so now.
Part of the problem with long term relationships is that the directions our lives can take are so amazingly varied and diverse that sometimes I think we get overwhelmed with the idea of who we could someday be...or what we might be able accomplish in the future...and forget to focus on who and what we are, what we are accomplishing and doing right now.
Life used to be a daily struggle for survival, keeping a roof over your head and food in your belly was what you worked and strived for from dawn to dusk.
Now...with those things easily provided for a large portion of the population (I know there are those less fortunate but that's a completely separate topic) instead of life being simpler...it is instead more complicated.
As a result, many of us will make drastic life changes in our thirties and forties. Hopefully we'll all have the intelligence and foresight to make the kinds of choices that will dramatically enhance our lives...but nevermind...I'm getting off topic.
Here's what Uncruel had to say on the subject:
You fix that by A) knowing where you want to go in life and B) finding out early on, preferably before falling in love, where the other person wants to go in life. A & B were not a problem in the old days because everyone was expected to have the same plans from life, and anyone who didn't was leaned on heavily by society. The reason everyone had these plans is that they are preferences which are built into our genetic code. In the age of birth control and a wide selection of professions, many of us dare to defy our genetic motivations, and these things can no longer be assumed.
In all honesty, I should probably just go back and delete what I wrote above, given that he has put it much more eloquently here...but hey, it's my blog, and I've been mulling it over for the past week so you can be subjected to it over and over again too.
Anyway...he is so right.
But either no one has noticed this problem, or no one thinks enough of it to warn our children. We are still hammering on them that they need to get married early and have children and the two cars and the white picket fence.
Why?
I totally get that many many people will be happier with a partner. I understand from experience the biological imperative to reproduce.
Still, why not sit your children down and explain to them that there's no rush to get married, that in this day and age we can have children in our late twenties and early thirties. That if they decide not to get married at all...that's completely okay too.
Why not explain that whatever they decide and want it'd make life far better if they at least wait until they have some certainty as to what they want from life before trying to make decisions about who they want to share that life with?
Perhaps I feel like my parents should have sat me down. Maybe that's why I feel so strongly.
Meh.
I don't think either of them saw it that way. Even now my mom pushes me to get married, but more because she can't get her head around the idea that I could be happy on my own. She just doesn't want me to be alone. I get that.
Anyway. Heavy subject and a long post. Perhaps I should have warned you back at the beginning. I do normally...but nevermind. Expect regular updates for the next day or so. I'm having a slow night and am in the mood to write. We'll see how many ideas I can flesh out in the next 3 hours.
-rambling man
Uncruel left a beautiful comment and I've been mulling over the entire topic for a week or so now.
Part of the problem with long term relationships is that the directions our lives can take are so amazingly varied and diverse that sometimes I think we get overwhelmed with the idea of who we could someday be...or what we might be able accomplish in the future...and forget to focus on who and what we are, what we are accomplishing and doing right now.
Life used to be a daily struggle for survival, keeping a roof over your head and food in your belly was what you worked and strived for from dawn to dusk.
Now...with those things easily provided for a large portion of the population (I know there are those less fortunate but that's a completely separate topic) instead of life being simpler...it is instead more complicated.
As a result, many of us will make drastic life changes in our thirties and forties. Hopefully we'll all have the intelligence and foresight to make the kinds of choices that will dramatically enhance our lives...but nevermind...I'm getting off topic.
Here's what Uncruel had to say on the subject:
You fix that by A) knowing where you want to go in life and B) finding out early on, preferably before falling in love, where the other person wants to go in life. A & B were not a problem in the old days because everyone was expected to have the same plans from life, and anyone who didn't was leaned on heavily by society. The reason everyone had these plans is that they are preferences which are built into our genetic code. In the age of birth control and a wide selection of professions, many of us dare to defy our genetic motivations, and these things can no longer be assumed.
In all honesty, I should probably just go back and delete what I wrote above, given that he has put it much more eloquently here...but hey, it's my blog, and I've been mulling it over for the past week so you can be subjected to it over and over again too.
Anyway...he is so right.
But either no one has noticed this problem, or no one thinks enough of it to warn our children. We are still hammering on them that they need to get married early and have children and the two cars and the white picket fence.
Why?
I totally get that many many people will be happier with a partner. I understand from experience the biological imperative to reproduce.
Still, why not sit your children down and explain to them that there's no rush to get married, that in this day and age we can have children in our late twenties and early thirties. That if they decide not to get married at all...that's completely okay too.
Why not explain that whatever they decide and want it'd make life far better if they at least wait until they have some certainty as to what they want from life before trying to make decisions about who they want to share that life with?
Perhaps I feel like my parents should have sat me down. Maybe that's why I feel so strongly.
Meh.
I don't think either of them saw it that way. Even now my mom pushes me to get married, but more because she can't get her head around the idea that I could be happy on my own. She just doesn't want me to be alone. I get that.
Anyway. Heavy subject and a long post. Perhaps I should have warned you back at the beginning. I do normally...but nevermind. Expect regular updates for the next day or so. I'm having a slow night and am in the mood to write. We'll see how many ideas I can flesh out in the next 3 hours.
-rambling man
Friday, August 20, 2010
are you headed my direction?
I'm housesitting this weekend. Taking care of the golden retriever formerly known as "crazy dog". He's not so crazy anymore. This is a good thing.
Unfortunately, it took the nullification of wedding vows for him to get all calm and collected. Perhaps he knew something his human companions didn't?
Meh.
They are both good people, just headed in different directions.
That seems to happen a lot these days. We fall in love only to figure out much later on that our significant other hopes to someday become the most popular hooker between here and Conroe. Which is about the time you realize that you've never had any desire whatsoever to be a pimp, much less one so famous, and the two of you should probably sit down and discuss the fact that you are headed in completely opposite directions.
Look, I'm very open minded. I'm progressive and different and willing to accept a ton of different lifestyles and sexual preferences...
Still, the more I think about it, the more it hits me that maybe those old fashioned folks have a few things right.
Take courting for instance:
Back in the day it was expected that a young man would get himself started in an actual career, get a house, and then...only then would he go looking for a young woman.
If he was in the country he'd get his own property...or get promise of it from his father...before looking for a wife.
In either case, the man is already headed solidly down a path and direction. Not that he can't or won't change his mind, just that he wasn't as likely to do so.
Now? None of this is expected before a major relationship or marriage. Which means that many couples get together and then figure out later on that they want entirely different things from life. So, what do you do? How do you fix that?
Don't get me wrong, my best friends got married and that certainly wasn't his situation when he proposed to her. Yet I'd swear to you that they have a fantastic relationship and a great marriage
It's just that...eh...maybe there'd be fewer divorces if we told young men that they needed to be more established before they seriously started to consider marriage.
Don't worry my AARP membership is on it's way and my walker is on backorder.
As a woman, wouldn't it be a plus to find a man who enjoyed his career and had a roof over his head that was in his name? Someone who's goals were already defined? Because then, at least you'd know what direction he was headed from the start. Maybe you meet a guy living in a condo downtown pimping hot college girls to all the biggest names in town...maybe he's exactly what you're looking for.
I've had fun dating, and I don't think that should go away. But then...how do you flip that switch from dating to seriously looking for a permanent long term relationship? Because that's really the issue here. So many of us happen to run into someone who is super fantastic, who hits all of the right buttons, so we flip from dating to serious before we have anything else figured out. And we shouldn't have to miss out on the perfect fit just because we don't have the house or the career...but maybe we should slow down and make sure we have those before we ask that special someone to spend their lives with us?
Not because they are necessary...but because where you want to live and what you want to do has such a huge impact on who and what we are that I can't imagine sharing my life with someone who doesn't have some of the same dreams and desires as I do.
Meh...I don't think this post has an ending, I'm just throwing thoughts out there. This all hit me today on the way into the office (overtime today) and continued during a smoke break outside. Perhaps tossing it on here will help purge it from my system.
Please...discuss...
-call me old fashioned
Unfortunately, it took the nullification of wedding vows for him to get all calm and collected. Perhaps he knew something his human companions didn't?
Meh.
They are both good people, just headed in different directions.
That seems to happen a lot these days. We fall in love only to figure out much later on that our significant other hopes to someday become the most popular hooker between here and Conroe. Which is about the time you realize that you've never had any desire whatsoever to be a pimp, much less one so famous, and the two of you should probably sit down and discuss the fact that you are headed in completely opposite directions.
Look, I'm very open minded. I'm progressive and different and willing to accept a ton of different lifestyles and sexual preferences...
Still, the more I think about it, the more it hits me that maybe those old fashioned folks have a few things right.
Take courting for instance:
Back in the day it was expected that a young man would get himself started in an actual career, get a house, and then...only then would he go looking for a young woman.
If he was in the country he'd get his own property...or get promise of it from his father...before looking for a wife.
In either case, the man is already headed solidly down a path and direction. Not that he can't or won't change his mind, just that he wasn't as likely to do so.
Now? None of this is expected before a major relationship or marriage. Which means that many couples get together and then figure out later on that they want entirely different things from life. So, what do you do? How do you fix that?
Don't get me wrong, my best friends got married and that certainly wasn't his situation when he proposed to her. Yet I'd swear to you that they have a fantastic relationship and a great marriage
It's just that...eh...maybe there'd be fewer divorces if we told young men that they needed to be more established before they seriously started to consider marriage.
Don't worry my AARP membership is on it's way and my walker is on backorder.
As a woman, wouldn't it be a plus to find a man who enjoyed his career and had a roof over his head that was in his name? Someone who's goals were already defined? Because then, at least you'd know what direction he was headed from the start. Maybe you meet a guy living in a condo downtown pimping hot college girls to all the biggest names in town...maybe he's exactly what you're looking for.
I've had fun dating, and I don't think that should go away. But then...how do you flip that switch from dating to seriously looking for a permanent long term relationship? Because that's really the issue here. So many of us happen to run into someone who is super fantastic, who hits all of the right buttons, so we flip from dating to serious before we have anything else figured out. And we shouldn't have to miss out on the perfect fit just because we don't have the house or the career...but maybe we should slow down and make sure we have those before we ask that special someone to spend their lives with us?
Not because they are necessary...but because where you want to live and what you want to do has such a huge impact on who and what we are that I can't imagine sharing my life with someone who doesn't have some of the same dreams and desires as I do.
Meh...I don't think this post has an ending, I'm just throwing thoughts out there. This all hit me today on the way into the office (overtime today) and continued during a smoke break outside. Perhaps tossing it on here will help purge it from my system.
Please...discuss...
-call me old fashioned
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