Again...I've been inspired to write.
There was some confusion in my last post, SweetD isn't all that crazy...but I wasn't very clear. That ramble included a number of different women. One of them is all sorts of crazy and shares SweetD's thought that I'm the one who got away. Those of you who've been around a while know exactly who I'm referring to.
Now, the comment that led to this also included a lovely compliment that I very much appreciate.
Here's the thing...I feel pretty damned confident most of the time. I'm in this weird spot where it seems like I can do just about anything I want to, and get just about any woman I set my sights on.
Well, within reason mind you.
But yes, I have moments where I feel like a complete badass...perhaps I'm getting a bit too cocky?
Nevermind.
The point is...even while I feel that, there's this nagging doubt that I've fucked it up and I'm going to end up alone. Now...I know that isn't true...that I'll always have family and I am lucky enough to have some very true friends. But unless Lungclam has decided he'd be willing to get naked for me occasionally and spoon maybe once a week or so...I'm not going to have anyone to share my bed with.
Hahaha...that's so dirty.
But yes...alone...not quite alone really...but no one to share my bed with, and I'm a cuddler, I kinda require a sexy warm body in my bed.
Having said that...Anonymous..."Relish the opportunity to experience something new."
That's beautiful. I'll keep it in mind as I move forward. I'll also try and make more opportunities.
For example, I didn't talk about it, but I was a total nerd last weekend. I shot that rocket with the homemade motor mount Saturday morning.
Worked like a charm.
A serious charm.
In fact, it was so good that on the second launch it drifted beyond the edge of the sizable field we were using and got stuck in a very tall pine tree.
The sister felt terrible because she was the one that packed the rocket and set it all up for the second launch. I promised it wasn't her fault and not to worry. I took up rocketry because it costs like $10 to replace the damned thing. No biggie.
Plus...the homemade motor mount was a success. The point of the whole outing was to watch a rocket shoot up high into the sky. That we did. Twice.Woot!
Then on Sunday I made beer. It's called 90 Shilling, and is a semi dark scottish ale that is currently aging in my closet.
So, wrapping up...I'm a confident, almost cocky, nerd who is doing his best to get out and have new adventures. Thank you for the comments, I'll keep the posts coming.
-cocky
3 comments:
Do you think that nagging doubt comes with growing older? With looking back on your relationships that didn't make it? I've found the same fears as you while I'm in the last years of my 20s, maybe as pressures from society encroach upon my usually determined mindset. And I feel defeated if I spend too much time looking back at my own past.
Just wondering where your fears stem from..or if they are not really fears we are experiencing, but as you imply, longing for something better..
you are a catch, Mr. don't settle for something that may not be right for you just because you want someone to share your bed with. Because eventually you'll want someone to share your life with and if it's not right, it's not right. only you really know that though.
Anon the first:
Certainly some of it is from looking back. But I hope to have learned from the mistakes I've made and become a better person. Still, no matter how sure I am that I'm in the right place...there's the occasional down day where I entertain the what-if's.
Mostly for me, it's the fear of the unknown. Of what may or may not happen in my future. I'm getting to that age where there's a very real possibility that I'll be alone if I don't grab hold of someone. But then...it'd be foolish to grab on out of fear.
Anon the second:
Thank you...I won't settle. I've spent 35 years fighting mediocrity...I'm not gonna quit now. Still, it's nice to be given a friendly reminder and good to know that people have my back. :)
Post a Comment