expectations

I wrote a long post back on the 20th where I threw out some ideas on long term relationships and the choices that we make in life.

Uncruel left a beautiful comment and I've been mulling over the entire topic for a week or so now.

Part of the problem with long term relationships is that the directions our lives can take are so amazingly varied and diverse that sometimes I think we get overwhelmed with the idea of who we could someday be...or what we might be able accomplish in the future...and forget to focus on who and what we are, what we are accomplishing and doing right now.

Life used to be a daily struggle for survival, keeping a roof over your head and food in your belly was what you worked and strived for from dawn to dusk.
Now...with those things easily provided for a large portion of the population (I know there are those less fortunate but that's a completely separate topic) instead of life being simpler...it is instead more complicated.

As a result, many of us will make drastic life changes in our thirties and forties. Hopefully we'll all have the intelligence and foresight to make the kinds of choices that will dramatically enhance our lives...but nevermind...I'm getting off topic.

Here's what Uncruel had to say on the subject:
You fix that by A) knowing where you want to go in life and B) finding out early on, preferably before falling in love, where the other person wants to go in life. A & B were not a problem in the old days because everyone was expected to have the same plans from life, and anyone who didn't was leaned on heavily by society. The reason everyone had these plans is that they are preferences which are built into our genetic code. In the age of birth control and a wide selection of professions, many of us dare to defy our genetic motivations, and these things can no longer be assumed.

In all honesty, I should probably just go back and delete what I wrote above, given that he has put it much more eloquently here...but hey, it's my blog, and I've been mulling it over for the past week so you can be subjected to it over and over again too.

Anyway...he is so right.
But either no one has noticed this problem, or no one thinks enough of it to warn our children. We are still hammering on them that they need to get married early and have children and the two cars and the white picket fence.
Why?
I totally get that many many people will be happier with a partner. I understand from experience the biological imperative to reproduce.
Still, why not sit your children down and explain to them that there's no rush to get married, that in this day and age we can have children in our late twenties and early thirties. That if they decide not to get married at all...that's completely okay too.
Why not explain that whatever they decide and want it'd make life far better if they at least wait until they have some certainty as to what they want from life before trying to make decisions about who they want to share that life with?

Perhaps I feel like my parents should have sat me down. Maybe that's why I feel so strongly.
Meh.
I don't think either of them saw it that way. Even now my mom pushes me to get married, but more because she can't get her head around the idea that I could be happy on my own. She just doesn't want me to be alone. I get that.
Anyway. Heavy subject and a long post. Perhaps I should have warned you back at the beginning. I do normally...but nevermind. Expect regular updates for the next day or so. I'm having a slow night and am in the mood to write. We'll see how many ideas I can flesh out in the next 3 hours.


-rambling man